Every journey has a beginning and I need to start to the very beginning for readers to understand who I am. I also want to start at the beginning because throughout everything I experienced their has been one person who has always been their for me; my mother or "Mum Mum" as I affectionately called her when I was a toddler. To all you parents with Aspergers out there, remember the name Jennifer Smith when you read this. She is a fine example for you all to follow. She herself has lived a difficult life and experienced difficult trials like I have due to various health issues throughout her life. Amazingly, through it all she has always been there for me and done her best to ensure I am not only provided for, but that I am the best that I can be. In turn, I have been there for her throughout all her own struggles; like thyroid cancer which she has been currently recovering from. Due to this nature of our relationship, we shall be tied to each other forever.
The time surrounding my birth was a chaotic one. A few years before my birth, my mother had been told that she would not be able to have children because of the many health issues she had experienced and yet she managed to give to myself and my sister four years after. However, it was not a smooth ride given her medical history, but it was another trial that would make my early existence a tough one.
I do not know my biological father. He abandoned my mother before I was born after coming to revelation she was pregnant with me. I do not hate him nor love him considering I never met the man, but I do not condone what he did to her. The only things about him I know is that his name is Jeff Bailey, he was an alcoholic, and he never paid child support after my birth. That is all I need to know and wish to know. My mother also lost her job soon after. She could have given me up for adoption, but she didn't. She was going to raise me and tough it out and we had to live in welfare in the time after I was born. For that I am grateful and I was born October 26, 1991 in Brunswick, Maine as Benjamin Alec Bailey.
According to my mother it became very apparent early on that I was different. Those with Aspergers Syndrome have extremely high end intelligence and they can develop certain basic functions faster than average human beings can. I was able to talk at 6 months old which is highly abnormal. My mother enjoys telling the story of when she and my grandmother took me to the grocery store and an elderly lady come up to us, while I was of course sitting in a shopping cart ,and she said hi there to me. I looked over at her and said "HI THERE!" in the voice of a game show host and nearly scaring her half to death. I was also running by 13 or 14 months old. Prior to that I used to get on my knees, rock back and forth, and throw myself forward. Of course I was prone to violent and long temper tantrums as well because despite my advance speech I had some issues in my communication skills on which I will get to in a later post.
My mother wouldn't have to raise me alone for long. On my first birthday I met the man who would become my dad, Roland Smith, and we connected quickly. This is probably the best birthday gift I ever received. It is said sometimes that he married her more for me, but I think that is still open for debate. I do owe him a lot because he did chose me. After he married my mother he immediately started the process of adoption and then I soon became Benjamin Alec Smith. I want to make clear that anyone can be a father, all it takes is genetics. But it takes love and care to truly be a dad. To me, this is how I distinguish between the terms father and dad. It is this aspect that gives my dad and I a very unique relationship.
Due to my close relationship with my dad, I became very comfortable around adults and never really wanted to associate with other children. I never made any friends while we lived in Maine. This is due to the fact that social development is significantly slower in those with Aspergers and Autism. As children and young adults they are more comfortable around adults they can trust rather than their own peers and will be afraid to not have the company of their parents or some adult they can trust. I remember my parents would try to get me to go outside, but I refused to do so because I wasn't comfortable with the backyard being fenced off. My dad built a fence, but then I still wouldn't go outside because I didn't want to be alone without him. The idea of not having an adult around frighten me and I could be very timid at times in my early years.
I was also a neat freak early on as well. I obsessed over throwing all the pine cones, sticks, rocks, and small toys in the yard into the storm drain along the road. It said we had the cleanest yard in the neighborhood and my parents and grandparents found this to be quite humorous. Those with Aspergers are creatures of habit and I love it when things are done in a set routine day-after-day. Our minds strive for a regimented system to go by in order to give ourselves guidance. Diverting from it disorganizes me and its frustrating. Back then I was no different.
There is so much else I could say about my early days, but if I did everything at once I wouldn't have anything to post about now wouldn't I? This particular post I dedicate to my parents, particularly my mother, for always being there for me and to show why even back to my earliest days they played an important part in who I am.
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